I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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