If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
