So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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