What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
