Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
