My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need a burrito and a hug.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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