I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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