I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize