So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
