You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
