I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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