the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
