Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
