I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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