maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
