you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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