dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
