I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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