I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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