Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
