glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
