he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
