it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
