I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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