tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
