No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize