We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
