Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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