Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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