My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
