I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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