I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
