in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
