i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
