I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
