It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She's not a foreskin expert like you
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
