Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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