Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
