do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
