I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
