then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
