I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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