hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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