You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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