I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
