She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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