I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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