When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
