I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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