my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
