Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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