he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
