She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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