You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize