It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
