I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
