my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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