Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
