you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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