I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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