If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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