I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize