We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
