My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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