I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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