she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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