why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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