if you like me you must not know who I am
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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