oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
