Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
