Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
