You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize