im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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