david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
