Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
