I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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