I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
