Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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